Top 10 Search Keywords that Bring You to Me

If you're reading this chances are you clicked on a link buried in a Toronto Blue Jays related article somewhere. Or perhaps you were intrigued by a craftily-written comment about some Canadian politics-related article and stumbled over here to see what witty bon-vivant was responsible.

The reason you decided to click on that link is something that really makes me think. Right now a couple of subjects fascinate the hell out of me. They are (in order of least to most fascinating):

1. How the hell the Blue Jays name is attached to every baseball trade rumour out there. Seriously, they're the baseball equivalent of a internet troll, pissing all over message boards everywhere.
2. How people find shit online.

Seriously.... Google something like "how to get people to my website" or "how to drive web traffic" and you'll find billions of results for either topic. 90% of these results tend to point to some self-annointed "expert" who for $19.95 will sell you a digital copy of his groundbreaking method to make money off of blogging. 9% will lead you to various SEO companies, promising to increase your Google ranking. 1% will lead you here. 

So What Comes Next (or is Man Ram or Ram Man the Next Logical Move for the Jays)?

Ram Man's real name is Rammy Manirez. Seriously. I'm not making this shit up. Topps don't lie.

If you're like me, you woke up on Tuesday December 20th with a raging hangover. One of those "leave work early and tell everyone it's because you think you're getting bronchitis" type hangovers.

Why was I were you hungover, you ask?

Simple. You stayed up 'til midnight boozing, only to hear your 2012 Toronto Blue Jays failed to win the Yu Darvish sweepstakes, and are now down one marquee player.
Ok, they're not DOWN per se (they didn't lose Bautista) but thanks to our reliable traditional media friends (found here, here and here) we all expected the Jays to land the best pitcher the world has ever seen, so it kinda feels like we're down.

So who/what do the Jays do now? Well a lot of people are talking a lot of Manny Ramirez. And maybe that's the logical next step. His performance enhancing drug suspension has come to an end, and he has stated his intention to return to the game. The very same game that helped pay for his legal fees after this incident.

Wait... I apologize, that was in bad form.

But come on, who am I kidding, Toronto loves their athletes most when they have a history of domestic violence.

So the big question now: "Should the Jays sign Man Ram?"

And the logical extension to this question: "Should the Jays sign Masters of the Universe character Ram Man instead?"

Well, read on to see a few thoughts on who can offer more to Anthopoulos and his mighty Jays.

How and Why the Jays Lost the Yu Darvish Bid

As Blue Jays fans deal with the disappointment of losing the Yu Darvish sweepstakes, eyes now turn to GM Alex Anthopoulos in anticipation of his next move.

Anthopoulos has always been upfront regarding his team's willingness (or lack thereof) to spend money. As he explained at the winter meetings, the Jays are sitting on their wallets until attendance justifies a big spend. Apparantley at that point the floodgates will open, and the Darvishes, Fielders, and Pujolses of the world will come spilling onto the Jays 25 man roster.

Top 4 Reasons the Yu Darvish Posting Pocess is like an Episode of Storage Wars

As an avid Blue Jays fan, I’ve been following the recent Yu Darvish posting circus with bated breath – waiting to see who comes away with the coveted Japanese hurler. And while it still isn’t known which team presented the highest bid, one thing has become apparent: this entire posting process is like an episode of A&E’s Storage Wars (I’m still not sure whether it’s a Season 1 or Season 2 episode).

Don't believe me? Well here are the top four similarities that prove my point:

Fan Mail to Pass the Time

New posts coming soon. In the interim, I would like to share this comment left on my Youtube channel, by new fan knockout01:

@cashewmirman1 You fucking ugly bitch. I hope you die like the bitch you are. Toronto is better then your shiity city you live in you fag. BLUE JAYS FOR LIFE YOU MOTHER FUCKIN FAGGOT!!!!!!

Thanks knockout01!

BLOG POST #58: Wherein I Investigate why Toronto FC Fans are Internationally Regarded as Drunken Assholes

In it's short history, the Toronto Football Club (or TFC) has been accused of not spending the money needed to attract quality talent while wasting it's fans time by wallowing at the bottom of it's division year after year.

And while said fans complain about the state of their beloved team, the city of Toronto, and the rest of the world complain about TFC fans.

TFC fans have quickly earned the reputation of bringing British-style hooliganism to the colonies. It seems like every Torontonian in the vicinity of BMO field has heard stories of various bars banning soccer fans on game day and/or refusing service to anyone wearing a TFC uniform because of their rowdy reputation.
Since the team's inception, people have been complaining about TFC fans' disgraceful behaviour at home, embarassing exploits abroad, and just plain ugliness wherever this guy saw them.

I've made a habit of staying away from TFC games: partly because I enjoy my football played by actual professionals who take pride in their game and public image, and partly because this is the first year TFC tickets haven't been exhorbinant;y expensive for absolutely no reason (I dunno... maybe TFC fans wouldn't be such angry drunks if they had a good team to support?).

So when I was handed tickets to the September 17th match against the Colorado Rapids, I decided to take this opportunity to investigate the question everyone is asking:

Do TFC fans really get as drunk as everyone thinks they do?

Shortly after kick off, and the crowd is boisterous but no more so than any other local sporting event. So far I notice nothing out of the ordinary.



Friendship Ferret Round-Up

Here's your weekly round up of some of the more heartwarming friendship ferret posts from around the interweb.

Jeff from Saskatoon sends us this charming picture:

Is the Man in White in MLB:The Show 2011?

Apparently those devious bastards at Sony Computer Entertainment knew something that the baseball world only speculated about. It looks like they've included Toronto's mysterious Man in White in the latest iteration of their hit Playstation game, MLB: The Show 2011.

Jeff from Saskatoon, an intrepid reader of this blog, sent us these images after noticing a white flash to the right of opposing pitchers, as simulated Jose Bautista faced the simulated Yankees at the simulated Rogers Centre.

Interestingly enough, when the Blue Jays face the Yankees in season mode, a mini-game replaces the traditional exit screen.
In it you play as Russell Martin in a game based on one of Sony Computer Entertainment's first big hits, "Parappa the Rapper".

The man in white is clearly visible to the right of the pitcher



Magnified 10X and it's obvious this man in white clearly resembles the Blue Jays' nefarious helper




I would play this game in a heartbeat

Quit Talking About Concussions and do Something for Crying out Loud





So apparently Sidney Crosby will be speaking to the media on Wednesday, addressing the state of his recovery and comeback from a concussion.

The last time Crosby played for the Penguins was January 2011. He was forced to take the last half of the season off after multiple blows to the head in back to back games.

His press confernce comes after a summer filled with the self-inflicted deaths of multiple NHL enforcers (speculated by many to be due to depression caused by head injuries), the announcement that all star Marc Savard will miss yet another season because of post-concussion syndrome, and growing awareness of the severity of these types of injuries in all professional sports.

So what will come of all the recent attention?

8 Ways to Drive Traffic to your Blog by Writing about 8 Ways to Drive Traffic to your Blog

Why do people blog?
Because people need to be told by others how good they are in order to feel any sense of self worth.

But what do you do when you're blogging and people aren't flocking to your exciting, witty posts about the misadventures of Bob Seger cover band "Looking Back" or ex-Blue Jay utility outfielder Juan Rivera? Without traffic, how can you feel loved? How can you get the attention you need to give meaning to your miserable life?

Well you could post an ad on Craigslist.

Or you could do what everyone else does. A tactic that has been proven successful time and time again.

You could write a blog post about how other people can get more people to read their blog posts.

Confused? Well don't be, it's easy. Read on to learn how it's done.

How to use SEO to Optimize your Blog's Popularity

Make a post with the headline "Justin Beiber Lolita Mud Skank".

Consider your shit optimized, bitches.

So I've got this idea for a TV Show that's kinda like Jersey Shore...

Also, I've got questions about the treatment of Italian immigrants to the United States around the turn of the twentieth century.

I'm not sure how to get the show made or the questions answered though...

So I emailed the only person I can see helping.

Vinny from Jersey Shore.

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR EXCITING OPPORTUNITY: I'm Looking to Colonize Mars

I've been studying a few articles about terraforming here and here.

Then I realized one was Carl Sagan and kind of awesome, and the other was for a videogame which looks fucking retarded.

Anyways, I've decided to build my own Genesis device. I've got some physics experience (a general arts University level Astronomy course). I've read a lot of Michio Kaku and Marcus Chown. I've seen both Total Recall and Wrath of Khan.

I need help though.

I've posted the below ad on craigslist.

If you can assist, let me know in the comments.

Football Fans are Fucking Retarded

I was in what's perhaps the least entertaining place to have a drink at 3:00 pm on a Sunday in the whole wide world last weekend and saw this:

At first I thought it was retarded that, even though the poster was advertising bus trips to Buffalo, including seats in Ralph Wilson stadium, and was headed with the team name "Buffalo Bills", someone found it necessary to stipulate that each team was playing AT the Buffalo Bills.

Because I thought I'd take a bus to see the Bills play the Denver Broncos in Ralph Wilson stadium, which they could've moved to Colorado.

Then I saw that the Tennessee game is $15 less than every other game.

I guess that's because it's on a Sunady.

"Research and Development Camp" proves the NHL is the Pro-Sports Equivalent of George Lucas

There is nothing that annoys me more than the positive attention currently surrounding the NHL's Research and Development Camp.

To attract a larger audience, Gary Bettman has replaced Zdeno Chara in all video of the 2011 Stanley Cup with a young Anakin Skywalker

For those out of the loop, the NHL spent two days running their top prospects through a series of scrimmages, in which they experimented with a number of proposed rule changes to see if any of them are worthy of being implemented this coming season.

What was the result?

Who will Play the 2011 Blue Jays? Part 3

It has been awhile since the last report on casting for Terrence Malik's untitled 2011 Toronto Blue Jay film.

In PART 1 we announced Steve Carrell as John McDonald, Ryan Gosling as Aaron Hill, Lee Majors as John Farrell and some other dude as Juan Rivera, which doesn't matter any more because he's gone (HOORAY!).

In PART 2 we looked at David "Squiggy" Lander as Jason Frasor (also gone... HOORAY!), R&B superstar Usher as Jose Bautista and Justin Bieber as Alex Anthopoulos. 

A lot has changed since May 16th, the date of the last casting report.

On May 16th, the Jays were 1 game over .500. As of August 15th they're 2 games over.

And so today, in celebration of this enormous improvement, we will look at who will be playing some of the younger members of your Toronto Blue Jays, because as Whitney said, I believe the children are our future. And Whitney starred with Kevin Costner in the Bodyguard. And Costner built the god-damn field of dreams. So on that note...

More Info on the Man in White Emerges

Following our expose of the mysterious individual responsible for stealing signs on behalf of the Toronto Blue Jays, more information has surfaced regarding the person known as "the man in white".

A review of recent Toronto Maple Leafs footage shows that this man has a hand in their fortunes as well.

What does it all mean? We're still trying to work that out.

Toronto Blue Jays Sign-Stealing Man in White has been Identified

At first I didn't want to believe it. Not MY Toronto Blue Jays.

My boys would never cheat. They would never steal signs.

And when Alex Anthopoulos responded to this ESPN article (which claims that when playing at home the Jays are helped by a mysterious man in white, perched in the outfield, somehow transmitting pitch types to Blue Jays batters) I felt proud. He stood up for my boys. He told the world ESPN was wrong.

But then I found this:

Canada's Got Talent - as long as that talent isn't cartography

So I was watching TV the other day and came across this commercial for an upcoming Canadian version of the "miscellaneous country's got talent" franchise. That in and of itself pisses me off, but doesn't really surprise me, because Canada doesn't need any more shitty television content, but seems to be more than competent in creating this type of drivel.

What really gets me about this commercial is the COMPLETE LACK OF GEOGRAPHICAL AWARENESS OF THE COUNTRY OF CANADA. I mean how lazy are the turds at CityTV who put this together?

Have you douchebags ever looked at a map of your own country, or are you too busy proving that Ron Burgandy was actually reflective of real anchormen?

Gord Martineau, I'm looking at you (skip ahead to about 1:00 for the good stuff)

Alomar "Catch the Taste" Commercial is a Canadian Institution

Sunday July 31st was Roberto Alomar day at the Rogers Centre.
45,000+ Jays fans showed up to watch the Blue Jays retire the number of the best second baseman to ever play baseball.
After thanking the Royers family for their support (I am not sure who this Royers family is, but am sure they are deserving), Alomar misted up, as did the entire Rogers Centre.
But the biggest cheers were reserved not for his speech. Nor did people cheer the loudest for Colby Rasmus first hit as a Jay, nor did they make that much noise for the Jays victory, for Brandon Morrow's free-pizza winning performance nor Edwin Encarnacion's impressive fielding.

The biggest crowd reaction came as a result of this:

And in case you haven't seen the original commercial which brought us this great clip, here's an extended version which was edited down to give us that classic phrase:

What Uniform will They Wear into the Hall?

Young Roberto Alomar plays hit the hoop with the stick with the boys

In January 2011 it was announced that Roberto Alomar was to be inducted to the baseball hall of fame. This didn’t come as a real surprise, as Alomar is the second best second baseman to ever play the game, and the best hit the hoop with the stick player, ever.*  

What is special about Roberto Alomar entering the baseball hall of fame is that he’ll be doing so wearing the Blue Jays uniform. This makes him the first player wearing the ole blue & white in Cooperstown.

There are tons of other athletes of various sports that played for Toronto, that for one reason or another chose not to wear their Toronto uniform into whatever hall of fame they were inducted into.  And there’s a crop of future hall of famers that have either just retired or will be retiring from their respective sports in the next few years. So that got me thinking… what uniform will these Toronto superstars wear into their respective halls of fame?

The Lost Lord of the Rings Musical

Tony Danza as Tom Bombadil

Over the past few days, the internet has been aflutter as official pictures from Peter Jackson's upcoming adaptation of the Hobbit appeared on the film's facebook site and yahoo movies.


Excitement is building steadily for Jackson's return to middle earth, and with good reason.
Jackson brought a series of books thought to be unfilmable to the screen. Prior attempts to adapt the Lord of the Rings were either shot down by JRR Tolkien himself, or were too expensive to finance. And while Ralph Bashki's animated version was a moderate success, it remains incomplete, ending with the battle at Helm's Deep.


Until Jackson, no one was able to tell the complete story in a way that satisfied Tolkien's mythos.


But Irwin Allen tried, and almost succeeded.

The Michael Jordan Retirement Conspiracy Theory

On October 6, 1993, the game changed forever.

Michael Jordan, the best player to ever set foot on the hardwood not named Joe Dumars, retired.

There were many reasons tossed about as to why he decided to leave the game – he was emotionally drained following the murder of his father months earlier, he was physically exhausted following his role on the Dream Team in the 1992 summer Olympics, he was just tired of the game.

But then there’s the conspiracy. And this has been, and will continue to be debated by basketball fans for years to come.

Don't let the Mayor of Mississauga get her way...

Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion reportedly wants to encourage veganism and sloppy facial hair in the Port Credit area.

Rumour has it she want's to surround the base of the stately Port Credit lighthouse with a late 80's era Nike low top crosstraining shoe.

Don't let her propogate the growth of Port Credit's hipster community.  Email the mayor here to express your outrage.

Hipster Boat

Friendship Ferrets

Who will Play the 2011 Blue Jays? Part 2

A couple days ago we brought you Part 1 of our fantasy cast for Terrence Mallick's untitled 2011 Toronto Blue Jays movie. (see Part 3 here)

For those who don't remember it was Steve Carrell for John McDonald, Ryan Gosling for Aaron Hill, Lee Majors for John Farrell and that creepy persian looking dude for Juan Rivera.

Today, we tackle 2 of the most important roles in Jose Bautista and Alex Anthopoulos.

We also look at the least important role in Jason Frasor. So without further ado...

1. David "Squiggy" Lander is Jason Frasor

From the Wikipedia entry on Laverne and Shirley: (Squiggy is) The most obnoxious of the bunch, and the greasiest.

Who will Play the 2011 Blue Jays? Part 1

(Part 2 can be found here, Part 3 can be found here)

A number of people have asked where I've been the last few days.

Well, I have some good news for all Blue Jays fans out there.

After months of preparation, my 2011 Toronto Blue Jays-centric screenplay is complete.

And damn is it good. I mean really good. Like, Oscar-worthy good.

Now normally I'd feel comfortable directing this myself. It's my baby and all. But it's so good that I'd be comfortable handing it off to someone with a little bit more experience.

What's that, Terrence Malick? Tree of Life bombed at Cannes? Sure you can direct.

All I ask is that you keep the below cast:

1. Steve Carell is John McDonald

Who doesn't like Steve Carell? NO ONE.

Who doesn't like John McDonald? NO ONE.



Artist representation of Steve Carrel as John McDonald.



Are the Blue Jays Replacing Juan Rivera with ROBOT JUAN RIVERA?

Japanese news reports their best robot scientists are working on replacing the Blue Jays' struggling Rivera with a Rivera robot.
Apparently the robot Juan Rivera will take a robot bride, who will be fluent in the songs of Bob Seger.
I, for one, welcome this new addition. Your thoughts?

Crocodeer and Jellyfish present: HAPPY BOB SEGER DAY!

HAPPY BOB SEGER DAY! Now with a great petition!

Can you believe that Bob Seger Day is here already?

It seems like just yesterday that we were celebrating last year's Bob Seger Day.

But, as is true almost every year, this Bob Seger Day is not without it's fair share of controversy.

This year, Macomb County Seger tribute band "Lookin' Back" wanted to celebrate Bob Seger Day with a Shelby Township show at the gorgeous Palazzo Grande Banquet Center. To drum up interest, they turned to radio advertising.

Apparently this pissed Seger off.

He got his lawyers involved and Lookin' Back was told that the ads were violating the lucrative Seger trademark. If they didn't stop, action would be taken.

THIS IS UN-SEGER LIKE AND QUITE FRANKLY UNACCEPTABLE

Please sign this petition if you agree: http://www.petitiononline.com/segerday/petition.html.
Once 1000 people agree I will notify Bob Seger of the outcome.

Not sure if you agree? Then read on:

The Top Ten Canadian Television Shows of all Time

On the international stage Canada is known and respected for many things such as:

• peace
• order
• good government
• groundbreaking, paradigm-shifting, tightly scripted television shows with impressive production values and expressive performances

I made that last point up. For those unfamiliar with the Canadian televsion landscape, it really does suck (with the exception of some proposed science fiction cartoons)

Some people may argue that it's gotten better in the last 10 years or so.

Those people are idiots.

This pre-amble bores me, so without further ado, here are the top ten Canadian television shows of all time.

Bear in mind that by "top ten" I mean "worst travesties ever committed to video".

Crocodeer and Jellyfish Present: What's Up Jersey Shore?

Please note: as mentioned below, the original script for this installment of Crocodeer and Jellyfish was tragically destroyed. Thankfully, I was able to obtain a transcription of a similarily themed Garfield strip from the website seen below. Just when I thought my web presence was pathetic, everything is justified when I realize that someone out there has taken the time to type out scripts of each and every Garfield strip ever published. Well played sir... well played.

Crocodeer and Jellyfish Present: Shut up about the God Damn Pictures

Crocodeer and Jellyfish present - Referring to Toronto Conservatives as "Ford Nation" makes you sound Retarded

Were Anti-Liberal Attack Ads Responsible for the Conservative Majority?

In a word, yes.

After years of damaging public trust and opinion of Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff by calling into question his loyalty to Canada, Stephen Harper's Conservatives pulled off the expected, and walked away with a majority government the other night.

This recently uncovered, rarely seen attack ad is a prime example of how the Conservatives were able to usher in four years of Harper rule:

Grits, NDP, Bloc all respond to Ojaru-Harper - is it too little too late?

Hoping to quell the overwhelming public response to "Oraju-Harper Smash-Go Time", the Liberal Party of Canada have spearheaded this response, working closely with the NDP, the Bloc Quebecois, the Green Party & even the Marijuana Party:

Is it too little too late?

Building a 60ft Anubis Robot Looks More Difficult Than I Initially Thought

This one is off the cuff. This is Cashew just talking like a normal guy.
I'm talking to you like I'd talk to a pal and/or buddy. You know, I'm dropping the journalistic integrity. I'm dropping to one knee and speaking mano-a-mano to you, my forgiving public.

You see, I may have bitten off a little bit more than I could chew.
I kinda lied to all of you - all of my loyal readers.

You see, it turns out building a 60ft tall Anubis robot is actually fairly difficult.

I've made calls to various people and places: universities, engineering firms, military consultants. No one is able to build the robot I promised in time for the election, let alone within a reasonable budget.

So I did what anyone would do in my shoes... I turned to the experts at Yahoo Answers.

And quite frankly, my new friend David F really helped me out. I didn't even consider public safety OR design stability when I proposed this creation.

I've posted his response below; in the meantime I would greatly appreciate help from anyone with ANY robot experience. You can reach me at cashew.mirman@gmail.com.

EXCLUSIVE FIRST LOOK: Harper vs. Anubis-bot!

Here it is folks, your exclusive first look at the anime prequel to Prime Minister Stephen Harper vs. Anubis-bot!
This fills in the gaps between what occurred after Anubis-bot won this website's recent poll, and what has occurred before the upcoing super-battle. Stay tuned for more!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!

It was a well fought battle, and it has come to a fitting end.

Robo-Anubis crushed the competition, beating out the tied-for-second place Croco-deer and Nano-fist in the competition for what Prime Minister Stephen Harper will fight to defend the honour of Canadians.

Psionic Jellyfish finished in last place with a single, disappointing vote.

While this blog was behind Croco-deer's entry, we are still excited with the result, and are confident that Robo-Anubis will give the Prime Minister the challenge he deserves.

We are currently working hard sourcing out the scientists and engineers required to build Robo-Anubis, and will keep you informed on our progress.

EXCLUSIVE: Edwin Encarnacion Interview

Our latino sister site - "Flaming Phoenix of Flames Muy Caliente!" was recently granted an exclusive interview with Blue Jays superstar, Edwin Encarnacion. He answers all the tough questions, including his thoughts on Juan Rivera, as well as his thoughts on Doug Flutie.

Poll, Updated With Pictures Yet Again: What Should Harper Fight to Defend Canada's Honour?

Jeff from Saskatoon has sent me even more email questions regarding this poll. A reminder to enter it if you haven't done so already.

Question 1: Jeff from Saskatoon asks "I find it hard to believe a 60ft Anubis robot could be built. In fact I am coming right out and calling you a liar - NO SUCH CREATURE EXISTS. Prove me wrong, Cashew... prove me wrong!"

Answer 1: Jeff, see these? They're called scientific blueprints - I understand you might not get them, but that's fine. Not all of us can understand science, jackass. Read them and weep. By the way, once my robot diety is done with Harper I'm sending him after you.

Top 100 Most Influential and Important People, Things and Emotions of the Last Ten Years: Number 93

People need order in their lives. People need to know what outranks what, and why it does so. We have taken an exhaustive look at every aspect of modern life, and have compiled this list. This is the definitive ranking of the people, the things, and the emotions that have shaped and changed our world, for better or for worse, over the last 10 years.

Of course based on it’s sheer size the list had to be broken into a number of smaller parts.

Only one item added to the list today, but stay tuned for Part III, coming soon. 

Poll, Updated With Pictures: What Should Harper Fight to Defend Canada's Honour?

I have recieved a number of emails regarding this poll. If you haven't entered it already, please do so.

It appears people are hesitant to vote due to some outstanding questions and concerns. I will do my best to address these.

Question 1: Jeff from Saskatoon asks "I am very interested in seeing Prime Minister Harper fight the Psionic Jellyfish, however am having trouble visualizing what said creature looks like. Can you help?"

Answer 1: Yes Jeff, I can. Below is an artist's representation of this fantasical creature fighting a scuba diver. Thank God I don't have to fight it!

Question 2: Jeff from Saskatoon asks "Exactly how big is this giant deer?"

Answer 2: Based on the below artist's representation of the crocodile-headed deer attacking Hogwarts Parliament Hill, I'd say pretty damn big

Is Mike McCoy the new Rance Mulliniks?

In a word, no.

                                 Mike McCoy                                       Rance Mulliniks

 

Poll: What should Stephen Harper fight to Defend the Honour of Canadians?

Dear Prime Minister Stephen Harper,

Following the shocking (and soon to be forgotten) anti-seal hunt manifesto introduced recently by popstars Ke$ha and Iggy Pop, I got to thinking.

It is quite obvious that the international community sees Canadians as monsters who care only about killing helpless, innocent, soft baby seals.

We have to change this misconception. We, as a nation, are capable of killing so much more. More dangerous things, more evil things, less soft things.

I propose that you, Mr. Harper, be the figurehead for this movement of change.

Below is a poll, outlining that which we, the Canadian people, feel you should kill. Once the poll closes on April 17th, 2011, I will contact you with the results.

Go Canada!

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

HARPER GOVERNMENT IN A PANIC: "the Canadian seal slaughter is barbaric and archaic" says respected American artist

You're right Ke$ha, it hasn't been the same since Whiskey Saigon closed.

Just when Stephen Harper figured he was cruising all the way to a majority government comes news that respected musician and MTV Europe Music Award winning artist Ke$ha has launched a vicious campaign against the venerable Canadian tradition of clubbing baby seals.

Toronto Blue Jays 2011 Pre-Season Report Card Part 2

The 2011 Blue Jays infield raises a number of questions. 12 games into the season, the Jays are a disappointing 6 and 6. Compare this record to their first 12 games of past seasons:

2010: 7 wins, 5 losses

2009: 8 wins, 4 losses

2008: 7 wins, 5 losses

2007: 7 wins, 5 losses

2006: 6 wins, 6 losses

The last time they started this slowly was 2006. I don’t have to remind any true Blue Jays fan of how that year ended. Sure, it may have been their best season in the last 10 years; they finished 2^nd in the AL East to the Yankees, but they still finished 2^nd, which is still losing. And that’s where this gets frightening. They were losers in 2006, and their infield barely resembles that of the 2006 season. Obviously this is the reason for their disappointing start. One has to wonder:

1. Would that record be 8 and 4 if the Blue Jays had won 2 games instead of losing them?
2. How much better would the Jays be if they hadn’t messed with a good thing, and kept double-machine Lyle Overbay?
3. What is new catcher J.P.Arencibia’s relationship to ex-GM J.P. Riccardi?
4.  Edwin Encarnacion… yes or no?
5. Who the hell is Mike McCoy, and does he have the potential to dethrone Rance Mulliniks as the king of the hearts of Blue Jay fans?

All of these are valid questions, and all are answered after the jump:

Top 100 Most Influential and Important People, Things and Emotions of the Last Ten Years: Numbers 100- 94

People need order in their lives. People need to know what outranks what, and why it does so. We have taken an exhaustive look at every aspect of modern life, and have compiled this list. This is the definitive ranking of the people, the things, and the emotions that have shaped and changed our world, for better or for worse, over the last 10 years.

Of course based on it’s sheer size the list had to be broken into a number of smaller parts.

This week we kick it off with numbers 100 - 94, stay tuned for Part II on April 16^th.  

Religion, Politics, Roleplaying or Pattinson? Question 4

This is a special and ongoing challenge designed to test how in tune you are with the tone of various popular websites.
Using advanced search engine technology, I have been able to pull out certain quotes from one of four websites forums and/or article comment sections.
Those websites are as follows:

www.cnn.com - the online arm of the American media giant.
www.americanthinker.com - a daily online conservative newsmagazine
www.roleplayerguild.com - the online home of roleplayers everywhere
www.robertpattinson.org - the number one Robert Pattinson resource on the web

See if you can tell where the following quote comes from:

like two heads of the same dragon who are aligned in destroying the country side, but then who fight over the plunder. (the answer is after the jump)

Which Former Canadian Chief Electoral Officer are You?

In honor of the upcoming Canadian election I made this kick-ass quiz, honoring some of the most exciting fellows in Canada's distinguished history. That's right, the party hounds known as Canada's Former Chief Electoral Officers. I didn't include the incumbent, Marc Mayrand, as he has yet to prove himself.

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

Religion, Politics, Roleplaying or Pattinson? Question 3

This is a special and ongoing challenge designed to test how in tune you are with the tone of various popular websites.
Using advanced search engine technology, I have been able to pull out certain quotes from one of four websites forums and/or article comment sections.
Those websites are as follows:

www.cnn.com - the online arm of the American media giant.
www.americanthinker.com - a daily online conservative newsmagazine
www.roleplayerguild.com - the online home of roleplayers everywhere
www.robertpattinson.org - the number one Robert Pattinson resource on the web

See if you can tell where the following quote comes from:

Robert Patinson's "Water for Elephants" will be the feel good film of the summer. (the answer is after the jump)

Religon, Politics, Roleplaying or Pattinson? Question 2

This is a special and ongoing challenge designed to test how in tune you are with the tone of various popular websites.
Using advanced search engine technology, I have been able to pull out certain quotes from one of four websites forums and/or article comment sections.
Those websites are as follows:

www.cnn.com - the online arm of the American media giant.
www.americanthinker.com - a daily online conservative newsmagazine
www.roleplayerguild.com - the online home of roleplayers everywhere
www.robertpattinson.org - the number one Robert Pattinson resource on the web

See if you can tell where the following quote comes from:

Pixie Q. Moonbeam gestures magically and energy (which once-upon-a-time could neither be created nor destroyed) appears. (the answer is after the jump)

Religion, Politics, Roleplaying or Pattinson? Question 1

This is a special and ongoing challenge designed to test how in tune you are with the tone of various popular websites.
Using advanced search engine technology, I have been able to pull out certain quotes from one of four websites forums and/or article comment sections.
Those websites are as follows:

www.cnn.com - the online arm of the American media giant.
www.americanthinker.com - a daily online conservative newsmagazine
www.roleplayerguild.com - the online home of roleplayers everywhere
www.robertpattinson.org - the number one Robert Pattinson resource on the web

See if you can tell where the following quote comes from:

The surplus was a result of Regan's administration. Please go read some books on economics. Clinton did some seriously idiotic things when he was president. (the answer is after the jump)

EMERGENCY JUAN RIVERA NEWS

Finally, proof that Blue Jays utility man Juan "El Tigrillo" Rivera is ushering in the end of days. In my dedicated research I stumbled across this video, obviously used to train youths for his militia.

At the 0:26 mark he lists off the guns apparently arming the Rivera youth.

At 0:37, he baits and corrupts the young with visions of sweet sweet Tecate.

I believe, as seen at 1:15 of the video, he will refrer the the first stage of the Rivera rapture as the "explosion nortena". I don't know what that means, but stay vigilant friends.

PLEASE NOTE: I do not speak Mexican, and therefore cannot fully translate what is happening in this video, and only make educated guesses based on my knowledge of Juan Rivera's nefarious nature. If any Mexican speaking readers can fill me in, please do so in the comments below.

UPDATE: I Just Won $600,000 pt. 3

I've emailed my friend Robert Diamond Jr. at Barclays to see if he's sure they sent the winning email to the right person. I certainly hope they have.

In the meantime, I was sent this by my friends at Heineken. It does add up, and again it does look completely legitimate.

I can't wait to claim my winnings!

Juan Rivera Weekly News Round-Up

It was a busy weekend for utility player/untrustworthy monster Juan Rivera.

First, his career as a Mexican folk singer turned drug lord was uncovered by this very blog on Sunday.

What strikes this reporter is the fact that Rivera is so proud of his unsavory extra-curricular activities.